OMG

I went food shopping the other day. I bring my own bags now. I was bagging and it was backing up. There was a white middle aged lady employee standing in the back and saw I got backed up. She asked me if I wanted help and I said OK.  Then she said, “Give me that black thing.” At first I didn’t know what she was talking about. I’m like OMG. Turns out she wanted the black bag.

It was just way way she said it that made it sound dirty.

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The Aliens Have It Right

Those aliens are a lot smarter then we are. They travel many light years to get to us and we got a far as the moon. They must know a lot more then us.

When aliens abduct people, what do they say the aliens do to them. They stick something up their ass. I don’t think they’re doing this for kicks. If they want kicks, they can do it in their own neighborhood.

They’re doing it for medical reasons. I think there’s a socket up our ass and the aliens have the right plug for it. They plug it in and it gives you a readout of our entire body, even your DNA makeup. Tells you everything. It’s like taking your car to the dealer and they plug it into the computer. It’s tell you what’s wrong with you. And maybe they can tweak it so it heals.

Once we figure out how the aliens do this. You won’t have to go for all the test the doctors send you for. All you have to do, it go into the office, bend over, he plugs the plug into the socket, and you have everything in a minute.

 

The Library Has It All Wrong

I went to the library to checkout so CD’s the other day. The way they have it set up is all wrong. The Classic Rock stuff should be on top and the new rock on the bottom.

It got to the point, depending on the mood I’m in,  if something that I want is on the bottom shelf, I’m not even gonna bend down for it. I used to be able to “get down.”  Now when I get down, I can’t get up.

Looking Into The Future

Had the weirdest thing happen to me yesterday. I had a case of Deja Vu. It would have been great if I was listening to CSN&Y’s “DejaVu” when it happened.

First I got to say my living room has three attached windows. Big one in the middle and two smaller on the sides. I’m in the kitchen and I’m making a pot of coffee. I’m  putting the water in the pot and look out the living room window and see a man walk across from left to right. As he walking he’s looking at his smart phone. I turn the water off and look out the window, like three seconds later and see the same guy walking across from left to right.

It was only three seconds. It’s a three cup coffee pot, it don’t take long to fill it. How could it be the same guy. He didn’t have time to walk across, turn around then walk back in that short period of time. And he did the same thing both times. Looking at his smart phone. It was like watching something on tape, rewinding it and playing it again. It was the exact same thing.