Words Of Wisdom From Gorn

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The Church

I was talking to my friend today and she was telling me that she goes to church when she can. She asked me if I go to church. I told her I haven’t been to church in over thirty years.

The last time I went to church was for a baptism. It was a hot sunny day and I had to drive to southern Jersey. I got there late and the mass was going on. It’s very hot and there’s no wind blowing. I go walking into the church and see an easel on the right inside the doorway. I walk in on the left side not to hit it. As soon as I walk into church, the sign falls off and the easel falls down. Mass stops and everybody turns around to look at me. Everybody thinks I knocked it over. I was nowhere near it. I made sure I didn’t go near it. Now everybody had to watch me pick the stuff up and put it back together.

I know who did it.

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Tucker Carlson

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Tucker Carlson has a new show on FOX. I never seen it but caught part of it on Youtube. What I noticed is that whenever one of his guest are speaking, Carlson put on this face like they’re speaking in a foreign language.  His eyes squint, he leans forward and has that look on his face like he can’t make out a singe word their saying.

I like to see some guest start speaking in English, then little by little add foreign words. Then by the end he’s just speaking in a foreign language. Then when Tucker talks, the guest can make that same “Calson Face.”

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Eating With Fork Upside Down

I was watching the Food channel before and I noticed a lot of people eating with their forks upside down.

To me this  makes no sense. There’s a greater chance of the food falling off your fork upside down.

They say it’s proper etiquette to eat that way but what if you’re in a restaurant, eating with your fork upside down and the food falls off in the dish and splatters on the person sitting next to you. Not very proper.

My Daddy’s Ghost?

        Tales From The Weird

Let me set the story. My father died fifteen years ago.

My mother calls me up the other day and says “something very strange happened  before.” I said, “what.” She say’s, “This Saturday would have been our 61 wedding anniversary.  I’m having coffee with Joe and the phone rings. I pick it up and nobody answering. I thought it was an automatic phone solicitor. Then I look at the phone to see who’s calling and it’s daddy. I show Joe the phone and she can’t believe it.”

As she’s telling me this, she crying. So since I don’t believe in ghost, I’m thinking there has to be a reason this happened. I call her back the next day to see what the phone number daddy called from. My mother says, “he called from my place.”

Let’s get this straight. My father’s ghost is in my mothers house, uses her phone to call her, at the same number.

Like I said, I don’t believe in ghost but this is just weird.